I saw this film a few days ago, and I still can’t seem to get it out of my head. As much as I loved it, I don’t think I would see it again. It’s left a lasting impression, and I’m gonna leave it at that. And honestly, it’s not for everyone. It’s essentially about two guys, with a big age gap, that pretty much fall in love with each other over the course of a summer. One of the guys is an American visiting Italy. Yeah, falling in love in another country sounds appealing…but trust me…the inevitable goodbye is brutal.
The pacing was really slow at times, but for some reason, their facial expressions hit me the most. If you’ve been in a situation similar to theirs, which I have, you look at their faces and feel those same feelings all over again. You know what it’s like.
It’s the sadness of knowing you’re gonna lose someone. That happiness and excitement of being with them and trying to make every moment you’re together count, but also being extremely sad because you know it’s not going to last. The film left me feeling very nostalgic. Nostalgic for Italy and Europe…and nostalgic for someone in London.
This entry is gonna be a little on the soft side. I don’t always talk about love, but what can you do, this film really evokes that side of you. Looking back at past relationships and situations, I don’t know if I believe in that “one true love.” What I do believe…is that every love is different. I can’t say I know exactly what love is, but I feel like I have felt it…a few times. And for every person I have been in love with…they have all carried a different weight. A different feeling.
Whatever relationship you’re in at the moment, or the ones you’ve had in the past…for some…there is always that one that stands out the most. The one that changed you forever. Some may call it “the one that got away,” but I don’t necessarily think that’s true. Whether it was weeks, months, or years…that love was meant to happen. And it lasted for as long as it was meant to last. However painful the breakup was…it served its purpose.
When I look back, the person I think about and the situation we were in played out almost the same way as the characters in the film. Everything from the initial butterflies, to the intensity, to falling in love in another country…knowing that there’s an expiration date because someone has to eventually leave. It’s all pretty sad. Because it feels like it’s out of your hands. The thing that breaks the two of you isn’t fighting or cheating or outgrowing each other…it’s the ocean and the continents. It’s the time zones, the miles, the separate lives.
That’s what this film captured. That longing and sadness knowing that it’s going to end. I saw myself so much in Timothee Chalamet’s character. His facial expressions and gestures…the way he looks at Armie Hammers character. And fuck, just that train scene and the heartbreak on his face.
It is always the train! I am telling you…the train is the saddest way to say goodbye. Screw airplanes and cars…it is the train. If you’ve ever seen the film, Before Sunrise…it’s the train. Radiohead even feels the same sentiment… “I get on the train and I just stand about now that I don’t think of you. I keep falling over I keep passing out…when I see a face like you.” Don’t ever say goodbye at a train station.
Anyway, just thinking about it…when you watch movies or read books about similar relationships and loves…the characters usually don’t know where the other one ends up as the years pass. But with this guy, being connected through social media, I know exactly where he is.
For those of you who don’t know how WordPress works, you don’t know who views your site. The only information you get is what country the reader is viewing it from. 80% of my views come from the U.S. of course. Then there’s the 19% that come from the UK and Europe, old friends from my time abroad.
But then there’s that 1% that I’ll get from time to time. From A country that’s halfway around the world. He’s the only person I know who lives there and even though I’ll never ever know for certain…I like to think it’s him checking up on me. I know it’s dumb, but anytime that little flag pops up, I still get nervous.
But to be honest…I don’t think I would ever want to see him again. It was another life and I would hate to ruin any memory I have of him. I’m sure we are two completely different people from who we were all those years ago. I want to always remember what we had as the way it was. This beautiful and deep thing that only happens when the stars align.
I’ve loved other guys after him. But none of them were ever quite the same. They weren’t better or worse…just not the same. He was what I needed during that time in my life and it really did change me. Elio and Oliver will always have Italy. He and I…we’ll always have London.
And God…I hate to even bring that other one up…but man, I couldn’t help but laugh. These two characters have a pretty big age gap. And of course, what they have is forbidden. So, they’re secretive and paranoid that they’ll get caught. Of course…I couldn’t help but think of you know who. It was pretty funny. I had total flashbacks of me hiding in the bathroom…constantly lying to everyone, being paranoid someone would see us together. Oh, the joys of dating someone way older/younger than you.
Anyway, I hope Timothee Chalamet wins Best Actor for this. Even though he most likely won’t…he was phenomenal. And if you’re planning on seeing it…you might want to read the synopsis and the warnings before doing so. It is not for everyone. However, if you’re wanting to watch something with a similar sentiment, definitely check out Like Crazy or Before Sunrise. Two very good movies. Sigh…
“I guess when you are young, you believe that you will meet many people with whom you’ll connect with, but later in life you realize it only happens a few times.” -Celine, Before Sunset
P.S. Why am I so homesick for NYC? I miss being in a city that can swallow me whole. It feels like New York is calling me. Missing the UK as usual too. I need to cross the ocean soon…